so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
