I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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