Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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