in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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