Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love you.
Bad choice
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
