I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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