help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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