Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
