Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
