I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
not ubering you a puppy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
