PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So vagazzling was a success
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
