I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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