another moral hangover. fuck.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
