then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
