She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
