youre lurking in front of me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
