just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
