I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
