after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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