I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
