then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I'm really busy with my period
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