They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
