"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
