yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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