I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
