mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
