Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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