After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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