I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize