youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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