her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
