didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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