just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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