i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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