Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
