So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
