if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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