I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
