when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
