it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
