she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
