I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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