covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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