I hate your face
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
