Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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