okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
