Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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