I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
