On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize