So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
