dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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