Apparently you make a good broom.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
