Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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