We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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