i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
