weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
