he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
