Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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