sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
