Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize