He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
