i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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