he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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