Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
