She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
