Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
