Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
