Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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