True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
