Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
