I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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